Just saying

Just a little birdie I found in front of an old tower in Ilocos Norte.

Just a little birdie I found in front of an old tower in Ilocos Norte.

It’s nice to be single because that way, you can just play around and flirt with every girl you want. No complications, so they say. But it feels better being in a relationship because life becomes more meaningful when you’ve found that someone you are willing to share your life with not just for the meantime.

Being the eldest

When people ask how many children there are in my family, I’d easily answer, “three, all boys, I’m the eldest” (where the middle’s a bluff, in case you don’t know yet). Being the eldest, I think my sense of responsibility matured faster. As I’d say, I’m a daughter with the sense of responsibility of a father because growing up in a dysfunctional family, I had to act that way for my mom and for my brothers. I’m not saying that I earned a living for them, but perhaps I strived to be their rock, someone my brothers could look up to when our parents weren’t there. Hence, I studied hard, struggled to get good grades and tried to live up to everyone’s expectations.

I grew up fast. I started working when I was 12 years old because my mom asked for my help after she set up a fruits shop one summer. From then on, I spent 10 consecutive summers working first for my mom, and eventually, for our family business because I thought it was cool to do stuff that adults do. It was later when I realized that I’ve just deprived myself of a childhood I can never rewind.

Ah, childhood. But I didn’t have anything to do back then. I was a boring kiddo.

In retrospect, I must’ve been a little jealous kid seeing my brothers watch racing and play remote-controlled cars with our dad when we were still little. My dad used to be a racer, by the way, and he’s very much into cars. He’s cool, I know. And as children looking up to their dad, we got to like automobiles and racing too probably because we wanted to be like him. We were his biggest fans in the world. I was his loudest cheerleader whenever he bagged trophies.

Sadly, I was never included in their little circle of car enthusiasts. I liked cars way before my brothers came into this world. As a toddler, I liked it when my dad would put me on his lap and allow me to hold the steering wheel as if I was the one driving. At age 9 or 10, I tried to understand the technicals of F1 racing just by watching, memorized the names of the drivers and their teams, and rooted for the same team as my dad. I also familiarized myself with car makes and models. But being sort of excluded, they didn’t know these things and I never complained for their lack of attention. I understood that it wasn’t a girl thing and kept myself away from their thing as much as possible. I understood that I had to be a spectator for most of my childhood and it wasn’t really nice.

Ang CBCP at My Husband’s Lover

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Kung tama ang nalalaman ko, ang My Husband’s Lover ang unang pagtatangka ng lokal na midya na talakayin at ipabilang sa local programming ang isang palabas na may temang lubhang sensitibo para sa lipunan–ang usapin ng mga lalaking magka-relasyon. Sa isang banda, kung pinag-isipan nang mabuti at inililok ang kuwento upang mas maunawaan at matanggap ng sambayanan ang mga pinagdadaanan at romantikong relasyon sa pagitan ng mga bakla, maaari itong makapagdulot ng positibong pagbabago sa ating lipunan na tungo sa pagkakapantay-pantay ng bawa’t isa pagdating sa pag-ibig. Sa kabilang banda, kung hindi naman maganda ang karakter at kuwento sa pagitan ng mga bida, gaya ng pinatutunguhan ng kuwento ngayon kung saan nagtataksil si Vincent sa kanyang asawang si Lally dahil naging sila na ulit ni Eric, maaari nitong mapasama ang kalunos-lunos ng kalagayan ng mga bakla sa ating bayan. At sa napapabalitang pananawagan ng CBCP ng suspensyon para sa naturang programa, paano pa sila mabibigyan ng pagkakataon na mapabuti ang pagtrato at pagtingin sa kanila ng tao?

Sa aking pananaw, quota na sa pangingialam ang CBCP sa mga pagtatampok ng mga paksang LGBT sa midya o pagkakaroon ng same-sex relationships sa lipunan. Bilang pangunahing institusyong Katoliko na kumakatawan sa mga halimbawa ng Panginoon at sa mga pangangaral nito tungkol sa pagtanggap, pagkupkop, pagrespeto at pagmamahal sa kapwa, hindi ba’t sila ang dapat na nangunguna sa pagprotekta sa mga bakla, at hindi sa pagkokondena sa mga ito? Una sa lahat, sila ang dapat na takbuhan, hindi ang tinatakbuhan ng mga ito. Hindi ako sigurado rito, pero bakit tila wala pa akong naririnig na pahayag mula sa kanila na nagtatanggol sa mga bakla? Tila isa ito sa mga kailangang baguhin ng simbahan, hindi po ba?

UP Pride March 2013 – AS Steps

Kahapon ang unang beses naming magkakaibigang jumoin sa Pride March sa UP. Ang tagal kong naging estudyante do’n, kung kelan pa ‘ko gumraduate saka ko pa nabalitaan na may gano’n palang event. At dahil hindi ako masyadong prepared, hindi ako nakapagdala ng camera. Pero gamit ang aking chipips camera phone at shaky hands, ito ang ilan sa mga nakunan ko. 🙂

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Nakapag-park kami lagpas alas kuwatro na, pero wala pa ring bakas ng kabadingan. Ang mga taga-GMA nga, nag-aabang pa rin. Kaya naisipan naming kumain muna ng pancit canton at Big 250 sa may Main Lib. Kaso biglang umulan. Kala namin lalong male-late ang simula ng event. Pero ayan na, parating na ang mga ka-baro namin kahit umaambon pa! Kuha sa harap ng PHAN/PHAN Annex.

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Minadali namin ang pagkain at umattack na agad sa AS Steps kung saan nagsasalita na ang ilang mga opisyal ng mga orgs sa UP bilang pagpapakita ng suporta sa LGBTQIPA community (hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang IPA).

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The love car.

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Ze rainbow flag.

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LGBT zupporterz!

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More zupporterz!

Tinignan ko ‘yung ibang peekchurs ng mga tao, may kuha sila sa Quezon Hall at kay Oble. Bakit hindi namin naisipang pumunta do’n? Andami pa namang colorful thingz. Kaazar! 😉

Of love, genuine kindness, and parasitism

I haven’t seen Kuya J for some years now. Yesterday, though, I came across his best friend, N, on my way home. They have been helping each other in every way they can since high school and I’m so happy that they still maintain that close relationship up to now. At least there was someone looking after my cousin.

So I asked him how Kuya J was doing. N said Kuya J’s better than the last time I saw him. Having no parents to look after him and no house to live in, his life was a complete mess then. But currently, he has a stable job and is more mature in terms of managing his finances. What I’m proud of is that he stood up on his own without any help from his family, which didn’t dare lift a finger when he was all broken.

Then came the inevitable topic. I learned that Kuya J has been living with his partner and his partner’s family the whole time he was away. Well, technically, just his partner’s siblings since their parents were destined in another work location. Knowing the general attitude of Filipinos towards homosexuals and homosexual relationships, I wondered how it was possible for Kuya J’s partner’s family to accept him and to allow him to live in their house at that. Apparently, Kuya J was sending his partner to college because they were too poor to do so. Every payday, his hard-earned salary would slip away in an instant because he was also the one paying for their utility bills and other basic necessities.

At first, N wasn’t in favor of their relationship because he was sure the guy would leave Kuya J at some point since he’s bisexual and not entirely gay. Moreover, back then, he said, the guy wasn’t presentable, didn’t finish high school, and literally had nothing, except that he had a home and Kuya J had none. “Sister, I know I’m not that pretty to be too picky of my partner,” Kuya J would say. After 3 years of being together, the guy has improved–in appearance and credentials–all because Kuya J took care of him.

However, it wasn’t an entirely happy relationship. N told me how Kuya J would sometimes run over to his house in the middle of the night because of a lovers’ fight. And it wasn’t just a lovers’ quarrel–he had been physically assaulted. There were instances when things would be thrown at him–electric fan, chairs, etc. And he wouldn’t fight back, being the kind of person he is. He would never do that especially to someone he loves.

I couldn’t bear listening to N anymore. It was hurtful enough that Kuya J always had to spend just for someone to be with him and love him. And even more painful was hearing that he was being battered.

Kuya J is a very beautiful person. If only people would let him, they’d know how generous, caring, supportive, and friendly he is. But nobody liked him in our family and I think a big part of it is because he’s gay. He’s the effeminate, openly gay type–the only one in our bloodline. He’s spontaneously creative. He used to be a drag queen, joining beauty pageants and all. He had many (gay) friends too, but only a few stuck with him through the worst.

With everything that’s happened to him, I’ve never seen him frown. He would usually be in a cheerful and carefree disposition, always wearing a smile. And because I trusted that smile, the thought of these things going on with him never crossed my mind.

At the moment, they’re okay, N clarified. Several days or weeks after they fight, they would reconcile and Kuya J would come home to their house. But I can’t stop thinking about Kuya J, after that conversation with N. It’s because I’m worried Kuya J’s partner would leave him when when he doesn’t need him anymore. He deserves to be loved.

Now Playing: The Reverb Junkie

It’s so refreshing to hear non-mainstream music especially from The Reverb Junkie. It may not be the kind of music often played on the radio but it’s definitely worth listening to. Here, try it. You could be her next victim. Haha! Go to https://soundcloud.com/thereverbjunkie for more. You’ll notice the voice is familiar. 😉

My ideal woman

A skinny girl who sings and can do push ups. 😉

EDIT

Earlier, I texted my girlfriend and asked her to describe her ideal girl. Most of our exchanges were in Filipino so I’ll have to translate.

C: What’s your ideal girl like?

S: Wala naman. Basta gusto ko cariiiiiing. Parang ikaw. (I just want someone who’s caring. Like you.)

C: Ask me! Ask me!

S: Hindi ako ideal girl mo noh!!! (I’m not your ideal girl, right?)

C: I want a skinny girl who sings and can do push ups.

S: :\

C: Bakit :\? (Why :\?)

S: Hindi ako ‘yun… (I’m not that.)

C: Hahaha.

C: Okay lang ‘yun, love naman kita eh. (It’s okay, I love you anyway.)

Aww. She’s so cute, isn’t she? Lol.