I’m not saying that I have the worst problems in the world, but I’m carrying a really heavy burden that’s very difficult to carry alone. Which is why I was hoping (but probably expecting too much) that you could at least listen to help me ease off some of the weight that’s on my shoulders. I’m not asking you to solve anything, all you can do for me is lend an ear. Sana.
When you know your partner is hurt because of something wrong you did…
Do you meet her sadness with anger? Do you call her to say that she’s getting to your nerves and that you’ll explode anytime if she doesn’t stop? Do you say that you’re too preoccupied with work or studies that you don’t have time for her nonsense? Do you tell her not to be that way, at least not now that you have other more important priorities to think of? Do you send her angry text messages demanding her not to dwell on the little things you said that didn’t really mean anything to you? Do you ask her if she wants you to leave and dare that you can do it anytime she says so?
Or can you not last a minute without knowing she’s fine? Do you say sorry for whatever it was that hurt her and vow that you’ll be more mindful next time? Do you pursue your apology even if she disregards your messages because you can’t sleep like this? Do tell her how much you love her and why you can’t live without her? Do you, instead, go out of your way to meet her, to apologize face to face, and give her a tight hug, despite a very busy schedule? Do you hold her hand to make her feel at ease, promise that you’ll never leave her and beg that she’d do the same?
If you were the partner, what would you do?
I’ve shared too much information with my girlfriend. Under normal circumstances, I’d say it’s part of our communication process, to keep us healthy. The more we know about each other, the more we deepen our understanding and strengthen the foundation of our relationship. But today just doesn’t feel that way. I hate to admit it, but because of the event that transpired earlier, there’s a part of me that regrets letting her onto every detail of my life. I realized that if I want to protect myself from getting hurt, there are certain things that I should keep from her and maybe she should also do the same. Because even if we don’t mean to, sometimes it happens, we hurt each other because we know so much.
I want to see a therapist, or maybe someone who can give me her full attention anytime I call. Someone who doesn’t know me personally, but who’ll be interested, who’ll ask about my life, my frustrations, my thoughts, my stories. Someone who’ll just focus on me the whole time, encouraging me to talk more. Someone who can help me understand my feelings and sort them out. Someone I won’t need to hide anything from. She’ll help me answer questions about myself, questions I haven’t heard before, and would understand if I opted not to answer any. We’ll talk in a small, cozy room, where only two sounds can be heard–that of our voices and silence. Her voice, soft and low, will be enough to keep my calm because it lends the assurance that she won’t judge me. And even without physical contact, just her voice, I’ll feel her warm embrace holding me tightly until the hour ends.
Like most of the people who recently knew about Mary Lambert, I ‘discovered’ her through Macklemore’s Same Love. Her part was taken from what I later found out to be her original song entitled, She Keeps Me Warm. I googled her name and found her AfterEllen interview where her SoundCloud was embedded. Then, I searched her video on Youtube and found this.
I think the other hot girl in the vid is her real girlfriend. In the AfterEllen write up, she said that they met on OkCupid. I LOL-ed, but hey, some people really do find their perfect match online.
Anyway, I find the music video cute. Nothing explicit, it’s very wholesome, sweet and romantic. Something I’d be glad to watch and hear over and over. See for yourself. 🙂