Dealing with hurt.

When you know your partner is hurt because of something wrong you did…

Do you meet her sadness with anger? Do you call her to say that she’s getting to your nerves and that you’ll explode anytime if she doesn’t stop? Do you say that you’re too preoccupied with work or studies that you don’t have time for her nonsense? Do you tell her not to be that way, at least not now that you have other more important priorities to think of? Do you send her angry text messages demanding her not to dwell on the little things you said that didn’t really mean anything to you? Do you ask her if she wants you to leave and dare that you can do it anytime she says so?

Or can you not last a minute without knowing she’s fine? Do you say sorry for whatever it was that hurt her and vow that you’ll be more mindful next time? Do you pursue your apology even if she disregards your messages because you can’t sleep like this? Do tell her how much you love her and why you can’t live without her? Do you, instead, go out of your way to meet her, to apologize face to face, and give her a tight hug, despite a very busy schedule? Do you hold her hand to make her feel at ease, promise that you’ll never leave her and beg that she’d do the same?

If you were the partner, what would you do?


9 thoughts on “Dealing with hurt.

  1. HI 🙂
    I think it would depend on how well you know your partner. I remember my ex couldn’t sit still if she knew I was. She did everything in her power to make me feel better. Which… is more about her than me, bc it’s never how I liked to handle things. Conversely, she wanted the same from me and I’m just not like that. I did try multiple times, bc if she’s hurt it’s more about her than about me, but it was never good enough. She always knew exactly what I wanted to hear and would say it.. even if it wasn’t true. I, on the other hand, never said something just to say it (yes, lie) particularly if I knew it to be untrue.
    So yeah, like I said, it depends on how well you know your partner…

  2. I’d want to understand why whatever was said bothered her. If it’s making you feel so bad then try to make sometime to understand and resolve the issue. Sometimes the issue may trigger something inside someone that has nothing to do with us. Good luck and let me know what happens. I’m hoping everything will work out just fine.

  3. 1. Acknowledge her feelings.
    2. Acknowledge the content of what she is saying (this doesn’t mean agree, just acknowledge).
    3. If she is deep in her emotions, just hold her. Don’t try to explain your side until she has calmed down.
    4. When you do explain your side, try to do it without blame; only talk about your feelings, actions, motivations and needs.
    5. Apologize only if you are sincere, that you see where you have crossed a line. Don’t apologize to make her feel better. You will resent it after a while, the fake apology will unravel, along with a level of trust. Yuck.
    6. Come up with a solution, eventually, that meets both of your needs in some way.

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