Happiness is a choice.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years now, but there are still some things about me that I don’t want her to see or hear–deep, dark family secrets that could drive anyone crazy except for me because (I believe) my years of experience have made me stronger. I thought it might be better to keep these things to myself.

This afternoon, she said she was depressed. Despite not knowing why, I had a feeling it was about her career and some other things that she can’t do because of it. I wanted to tell her how lucky she was that at least she has a job and how grateful she should be that there’s always her mother to depend on because there are people out there who are experiencing worse (i.e., me). What could be worse than the fact that I’ve only graduated recently and I’m looking for my first job at mid-20’s when most of our batchmates were already buying their own cars out of their earnings? What could be more unfortunate than growing up in a dysfunctional family with my mother barely spending time with her children because she had to work for a living, yet her earnings are still not enough to sustain our needs? And what could be more depressing than eating rice and soup on some days because the only food you have on your table is the leftover sinigang or nilaga that you had for dinner last night? At least she doesn’t get to experience these.

But I still don’t get why she chooses to be sad. My life is literally a mess as it is, yet I don’t dwell on the things that would ruin me. Yes, sometimes I breakdown because I, too, am human. But I don’t make it a habit. I often tell her to quit those depressing thoughts because it won’t help her, and she told me that being happy won’t make a difference either. Just like this, she always had something to say. But in the end, it is her choice if she wants to win over herself and just accept the challenges that life brings. Whoever said that there’s an end to one’s problems anyway?


4 thoughts on “Happiness is a choice.

  1. I often share your posts with sk, I hope you don’t mind.
    As a therapist, she pointed out that feelings are never wrong so your approach with your gf, i.e. telling her to stop the depressive feelings, is not beneficial to her, you or your relationship. Feelings are subjective and we all experience them differently, what makes me sad, for example, may or may not make others sad and that should not negative my feelings. A different approach she suggested is to confirm and reflect those feelings back to her when she expresses them. So she may come to you and tell you she’s sad / depressed. You may respond by confirming to her what you heard her say and ask her to expand on that. . . what makes her think she is depressed or what is making her sad, etc.
    My response to your posts? You used the word “thrice!” 🙂 I can’t remember the last time I read or heard that word.
    Hope both of your days improved! Cheers.

    • Oh, it’s fine. At least I’m getting free service from a therapist (via you). Lol.

      Anyway, I wanted to reach out to her, to understand her and help her feel better so I did ask her earlier why she was depressed and what thoughts run in her mind. But it seemed like she didn’t want to talk about it because she dismissed my questions saying she wasn’t sure. Thus, I wrote this post out of frustration.

      Has it been removed from the English language? Lol. I just got used to that word because I’m a Math person. 😀

  2. Unfortunately I’m in the same boat as your Girlfriend. I’ve tried to make myself happy but it just doesn’t work, I’ve also got past issues which may be affecting things. Hope things get better for you both! 🙂

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