My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years now, but there are still some things about me that I don’t want her to see or hear–deep, dark family secrets that could drive anyone crazy except for me because (I believe) my years of experience have made me stronger. I thought it might be better to keep these things to myself.
This afternoon, she said she was depressed. Despite not knowing why, I had a feeling it was about her career and some other things that she can’t do because of it. I wanted to tell her how lucky she was that at least she has a job and how grateful she should be that there’s always her mother to depend on because there are people out there who are experiencing worse (i.e., me). What could be worse than the fact that I’ve only graduated recently and I’m looking for my first job at mid-20’s when most of our batchmates were already buying their own cars out of their earnings? What could be more unfortunate than growing up in a dysfunctional family with my mother barely spending time with her children because she had to work for a living, yet her earnings are still not enough to sustain our needs? And what could be more depressing than eating rice and soup on some days because the only food you have on your table is the leftover sinigang or nilaga that you had for dinner last night? At least she doesn’t get to experience these.
But I still don’t get why she chooses to be sad. My life is literally a mess as it is, yet I don’t dwell on the things that would ruin me. Yes, sometimes I breakdown because I, too, am human. But I don’t make it a habit. I often tell her to quit those depressing thoughts because it won’t help her, and she told me that being happy won’t make a difference either. Just like this, she always had something to say. But in the end, it is her choice if she wants to win over herself and just accept the challenges that life brings. Whoever said that there’s an end to one’s problems anyway?